Live every moment!

 LIVE EVERY MOMENT:

By; Faraz waheed, 1st year

Dear future self: 

How are you? How is life? Did you achieve our goals? I’m sure life will be amazing for you! Having no exams, no stress, no hurry to get up early to go to college, no homework and most importantly no drama in your life. How must it feel like, having money, buying things we always wanted? Man, you have it going great. I’m not sure will I ever make it to your stage? Will I ever be successful? Will I ever be able to sit back and relax? Will these troubles go away? Will life, for once, be as we want it? 

Dear Past self: 

Funny you should ask of me. Well, I’m fine. Yes, we did achieve some of our goals, and we did not achieve some others. But guess what? We now have other goals to achieve. As far as life goes, well you’re right, and wrong. I do not have much exams now, but now my mistakes don’t cost me a grade, it costs me a life. I don’t have any homework, but now we have little time to ‘be’ home. Yes, I do have money now, But i also have responsibilities, which means I can’t spend the money like you may want me to. Finally, to help your curiosity, Yes, you will make it to my stage. But you won’t be able to sit back and relax. Your troubles will change but they won’t go away. And Life, will not be as you want it. So my advice to you is, we are merely miracles on a small rock rotating endlessly around a ball of fire with nothing but other rocks around us to the vast extremes of the universe. So, What could go wrong, hm? 

Enjoy this miracle of life. Live YOUR moment, enjoy those exams, do not let your stresses consume you, always have time for a laugh, take risks, try new things. Do what you can’t. Learn. Know. Fight through the pain. Because life, my friend, is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain.

I had dreams ( For APS victims)

Mom is standing in my room, after shouting to me from downstairs five times she finally decided to come after me. Its late she says, you're going to miss the bus! She removes the warm blanket from me and hands me my uniform. She sets up breakfast as I get ready. I have no mood to eat. She forces me, feeds me with her own hand while I eat with all the resistance in the world. This happens every morning. I wonder how come she never gets tired of me. The bus is here. Mom kisses me. Holds me in her warm hug. Before letting me go. How much a mom sacrifices? How much she must want me to stay in that warm blanket with her. I wish I knew it then. 

Iam in the bus now. I think of what i'll be when i grow up. Will I join the army and be a hero like dad Is? Or Will i become a doctor and keep people healthy and happy. How about a teacher? Then I can let little children like me play for hours and never have to take tests or give homeworks. Oh the possibilities makes my heart filled with joy! I want to serve my country and do good so that Allah will be pleased with me and then he'll let me stay in paradise with mom n dadWhatever I become, I shall buy the best of things for my parents. I saw mommy liked a dress in that shop the other day, but it was too expensive, and my fees were due. She set it down without a second thought. I shall buy all the nice dresses for her. I shall hire cooks and maids so she never has to work again. I shall buy a big house for us to stay in, a nice car for dad too. I will make them so happy. These dreams makes going to school worth it. I enter the school. 

Its 10:30am, I hear loud noises all around me, There is so much red everywhere. What is happening? I hear cries Being silenced one by one, forever. My friends whom I used to play with, gone within seconds. I don't think I will make it. I close my eyes, All i see is the beautiful face of my mom. I want to be wrapped in her arms once more. I know how terrible it'll be for her. I don't want her to cry. I want to make her proud. I want to buy her that dress. I had so many dreams. Is this the end? I remember she said I'll meet Allah when i die. Perhaps i'll tell him about these bad men. Perhaps i'll ask him to give mom strength to bear my loss.I have to get ready to meet him. With trembling lips I recite the first kalma she taught me. I hear a man do the same. How can we be so similar yet so opposite? Doesn't he know I have so much to do? So many dreams to fulfill? I am sorry mom. I couldn't buy you that dress in this life. Iam sorry. This is the end. The end of me, and my dreams.

2026; a COVID pandemic story

2026; 

It has been 6 years since the quarantine started, at first we thought it'll pass, like so many plaques before it, people made jokes about it, some called it a conspiracy, a yahoodi sazish. But then, with time people realised it had no religion, it was here for all of humanity, and then panic set it. By that time it was too late, too many people had got the virus to be contained in quarantine. Our medicines ran out, isolation was not possible. 

 It was 3 months later, when the govt decided to "dispense" off the affected people. These poor souls were given morphine, and put into sleep forever. There was not enough earth for all their bodies, and so the rest were cremated. Those who survived this initial wave started hoarding utilities, people fought like animals over basic neccesities, panic and fear striped them of their moral codes. 

  A year passed, our financial system collapsed, money was no longer the currency, the only rich people were the ones who were well prepared for the pandemic. The rich of the world would give away all their wealths for rations of food. We lost electricity, then gas. There was no concept of governments anymore. Meanwhile, every day more and more people continued to be affected. The last of the world population spread out in the world, we stopped contact with each other to contain the spread. Every week, they'd light a fire on the high mountains to show that we're here. We exist. Hope exists. There is no hope left for a vaccine, all we have left is to wait for a miracle. A miracle, do we deserve it? Looking back now, how petty our greeds were, how big our atrocities, how cruel had we become as human beings? How heartless. When kashmirs were confined to their homes, the whole world just stood there and watched, maybe that's why we were punished to be confined to our homes. When for years, the innocent children of syria and palestine were made to inhale the toxic air, we were enjoying our lives, maybe that's why Allah made the air toxic for us? Maybe it happened because we took our earth for granted, wasting its resources instead of conserving them, maybe corona was earth's vaccine, and we were the virus? 

Could we save ourselves, had we been more cautious? Were we so numbed by our stone cold heart that we took death as a joke? I remember those first few weeks, when the virus was only limited to a few countries, I wish we had taken it seriously, I wish instead of sharing memes we had shared awareness. I wish we had prayed and ask forgiveness from our lord. Maybe we could avoid this disaster? I wish.

One last walk

 One last walk ; 

My eyes open to see a beautiful place, filled with light that shimmers down between the leaves of beautiful green trees, a coolness envelops the environment and I hear birds chirping nearby. My heart feels happy, as if a huge burden has been lifted from it. I started walking in this heavenly garden, soon I come across a beautiful lady, she's wearing hijab and her face is lit like the moon when its in her prime. She's teaching Quran to a few kids sitting in front of her. As she sees me Her eyes shine up and she smiles at me as if she already knows me. I stand beside her for a while, admiring her presence and energy. But I remember I have to keep moving forward, though I don't know towards what. A little farther I come across a lady, she's wearing white coat and a device hangs around her neck, I recognize this thing from the Tv. Yes! Its what doctors wear. I see her treat a small kid very delightfully and with a huge smile on her face. I go towards her, She moves a hand over my head and pinches my cheek. It makes me feel safe and loved. I move forward. I come across a lady whose all worried and in a hustle. I go towards her and ask her what was the matter. She tells me Her husband's going to be home soon, and I have to get dinner ready before He does. He works all day and I don't want him to wait to eat because of me. It makes my heart happy, seeing someone care so much. A little while later, Her husband do come. He's so happy to see her. They greet each other and I can see her face light up and her feet finding it hard not to dance In his presence. I knew then that they were in love. They offered me to have dinner with them but I remembered I had to keep going. What was I going after? I forgot. 

I keep moving forward. I came across an old lady, who was sitting in her bed, with people standing around her, some little, some old, some male and some female. I also went and stood by her side. I asked who were all these people, and she told me they were all the lives that she had touched in her lifetime. All the good that she had spread in the world. All the joy. She held my face in her hand, and a tear came from her eye. Go on now, beautiful child. With heavy feet I keep moving forward. I came at a gate, Huge and strong. It opened as I approached it, Inside, there were children just like me waiting to greet me. Beautiful children, smiling and excited. I look back for one last time, for I understood now, all those ladies that I had met, the mom teaching quran to her kids, the doctor, the wife in love, the old lady with the lives she'd touched, those were all me. Those were all the possibilities. I remember now, this was not a dream. I was killed in the Holy month of ramzan, for 'Playing too loud'

گرمی کا روزہ

 گرمی کا روزہ؛ 

 

 All day long I waited for evening to come, it was one of those unfortunate days when u forget to wake up for sehri and realise you messed up big time. The morning was much better than expected, I tried to conserve the little saliva I had as best as possible, but by afternoon it was gone too. I tried to sleep the thirst off but my brain kept reminding me of the dried meat of a tongue I had in my mouth. I tossed and turned for hours, deciding not to check phone 'cause I believe not seeing a clock makes time pass faster. Finally I got fed up and picked up my phone to see it had been five minutes. Noon passed painfully, but evening was still afar. I started relishing the thoughts of all the juices and shakes I'd be having at aftar and how Im gonna swipe my aalo pakoras with my brother's pyaaz pakoras. My stomach gurgled as if it was making the villain grims for me as I made these plots. Finally evening came, I put jugs of juices infront of me and all the edibles I could fit in my plate. Finally, the azaan was called and I started drinking, first gulp and It was heaven. I drank the whole glass. Then another. But by the time I reached for the third one my stomach was already full. I could only drink it half. Moreover, the plate infront of me was full, and I was no longer bound to not eat, but I couldn't bring myself to eat more than one pakora. I was full. All those hours of fasting, all day of waiting, imagining this moment and when it was here I was done with it within 10 minutes. All those things that I longed for a few minutes back were no longer appealing to me. Now I wanted to sleep for hours 😴

 Maybe that's the reality of life. Our moments of waiting and suffering are far longer than our moments of happiness and satisfactions. We wait forever for things that satisfy us for a few moments. Then we cling onto some other goal and spend our days in search of it, being so certain that it'll make us happy, but when it comes it too, fill our hearts for a few moments only. Afterall, whats the longest any of our happinesses have lasted before the lust for something more takes it place? How much of our life is spent wishing, how much waiting, how much running after things that ultimately satisfy us temporarily. Maybe like a fast, the purpose of life isn't to spend it waiting for iftar, but to do as much good as possible, even while we're thirsty for happiness, even when things aren't going as we planned. Maybe this world isn't the place to be happy and satisfied, but a place to stop oneself from its pleasures, have sabar, and maybe at the end we shall have pure and unending satisfaction and happiness.

عبد

 How to be an عبد

I read somewhere that to be an abd, there are five conditions that one must fulfill, and it was an eye opener for me atleast. 

Condition 1: Unconditional Ita'aat; 

To follow Allah's commands completely and truely. To not pick and choose, but to obey and worship Allah swt however He and His Prophet saw showed us. To control our nafs, and abstain from all that Allah swt has denied us, no matter how innocent and harmless it may seem.

Condition 2: Unconditional love 

Our relationship with Allah swt is NOT a two way street. We obviously need Him far more than He needs us. our love with Allah swt must not depend on how much He gives us in this world, our prayers, our duas, our good deeds must not be because we want something from Allah swt, but because He deserves to be prayed to, to seek refuge from, to be worshipped. 

Condition 3: Complete tawakkul; 

We must believe with all our heart, that Allah swt is the best of planners, that He has planned something for us which is far better than what we plan or want for ourselves. Once we start living with this philosophy, we won't be prejudiced against anyone. We won't long for the things that Allah bestows upon someone else, We won't use unfair means to get any naimat. Every loss, every gain, every joy, every pain is from Allah swt and He knows whats best for us. 

Condition 4: Ultimate sincerity (اخلاص); 

Our every single act, whether done in private or publicly, should be for one purpose only and that is to please Allah swt. Before we do any task, any act, before we utter any word, we must ask ourself, Is this going to please my rab. Imagine how many gunnah, how many broken hearts, how many fights, arguments, tears we could avoid if our actions and words were to be just to seek Allah's raza. 

Condition 5: Complete submission; 

One cannot become an "abd" truly if don't submit to all that what our master swt asks of us. We cannot pray 5 times a day and do haram, speak haram and watch haram and still be an abd. Our lord swt has given us a clear set of boundaries and we must stay inside them. 

So after reading these 5 conditions, we must think and ask ourself, how much of an Abd we are? Is our ita'at for Allah or is it for our nafs? or our society? How many of our wishes, our cravings do we supress for they go against our Allah's commands? Do we love Allah swt unconditionally? Or only when He's answering all our prayers and we have all the joys of the world. Do we love Allah swt when troubles fall upon us? Do we ever forgive, love, show kindness for the sake of Allah? How about tawakkul? Are we content with our blessings, that whatever we have are from Allah swt and that whatever we don't get or lose will sure be replaced by something better inshaAllah? Do we look at people around us and wish we had things that they have? Do we blame Allah swt for our losses, or do we trust his plan? Do we have ikhlaas in our ibadah? Are our actions for the sake of Allah's pleasure or our own? Is our own satisfaction greater than Allah's contentment with us? Are we really submitted to Him or do we obey Him only when it suits US? Do we seek excuses for some of His commands while following others or do we submit ourself to whatever He asks of us? 

May Allah swt guide us all to be an Abd in true sense. Ameen.

Grey strands of time

 Grey strands of time; 

3:00 am; 

I wake up with a burning stomach, already regretting last night's dinner. I try to sleep back for some time, but sleeping now seems like an arduous task, a fight that I already fought and won only a few hours ago and don't have the will to fight again. Fajar time is near so I decide to pray tahajjud. My long lasting comrade (and sometimes rival) is still sleeping. Still beautiful as ever. Carefully I find my way to wazu. Everything aches. This is how a rusted piece of metal must feel like if It had feelings. I pray tahajjud and recite some Quran and Lo! Its fajar time. Time to go to masjid and meet my only friends these days. White bearded fellows with hearts as young as ever. Time to discuss politics, pull some legs, worry about youth and the future of this country. How exciting! 

12pm; 

I feel hungry. Anyone would if they had a breakfast like mine. I sigh and wonder, Why does age bring so many restrictions? Can't take sugar for risk of diabetes, can't talk salt, can't even have a paratha for fear of hypertension! Eat greens they say, am I a cow or something? Why haven't they discovered a cure yet for all these ailments. The anger that has filled me with all these thoughts, vanishes as I see my son, my world, come out his room for breakfast. I thought this whole thing with Quarantine and not being able to go outside would mean more time with my sons and daughters, but man was I wrong. It appears they've become owls. 

I call this young man to my room, ask him for a glass of water. Little does he know I just want to see him, talk to him, for moments like these when He's out of his room are very rare. He brings me a glass and is about to run off, when I ask him how's He. 'okay, dad' He says. I ask him about his studies for lack of another topic. His response is rushed and subtle. This generation is always in a rush. Little does He know that I wait all morning for him to wake up. For Him to spend some time with me. How happy I was those last years of my job, thinking of how now I'll be able to spend time with my family, How wrong I was.

7pm; 

The sun is setting down, letting out its last bit of light for the day. It reminds me of my own condition. I wonder if time has slowed down for the sun too in these last moments. I wonder if it is too, giving up all its strength for this dim light. I wonder if it misses its glory days too, when it shone on top of the world with all its brilliance. But ofcourse No, the sun never cared about the future. It probably didn't spend its peak hours preserving its light for a rainy day. It did not make all the plans in the world for tomorrow. No, it just enjoyed the moment while it could. I wonder if that makes it happier in these last moments, unlike me, who spent my whole life worrying about tomorrow. Making career, making a family, making money, all the while forgetting that my strength is leaving me. The grains of time are falling, taking me with it, piece by piece.